poems read 1 on 8/18/24 @ ulises in philadelphia
@noz
a super cynical dude tweeted "And after all,
what is fashion? a form of ugliness so intolerable
that we have to alter it every six months."
but like... life is altered
every six seconds
it takes less than six minutes
to receive great &/or
terrible news
in 6 hours i might be
unconscious
cold sky / toes in silt
soft sand clouds
/ trying / to tell
/ a strange / something
the video i jerk my dick to
6 days from now
will likely be diff
than the video i jerk
my dick to today. the weather
in 6 weeks? certain to change
this does not make
weather ugly
6 months ago
my father was alive
6 years ago i
was more fuckboyish
in an open relash
a form of ugliness
so beautiful
we had to alter it
in 6 decades
it will have been nearly 6 decades
since anyone read this poem
in 6,000 years
i hope there’s still crows
, and music
, and magic
and how to describe
6 centuries ago?
i’ll say “buffalo”
& i’m sad to say it that way
but that’s the way it goes
the pyramids
i ask a gang of marauders "what is allowed to happen?"
lost in a fictional village
recently i wrote, i want to be insanely honest
she asked if i could do something
i felt a simple fear i wouldn’t be able to
i said "what?"
she told me to put my dick in her mouth & fuck her face while she laid on her back
she whispered she wanted me to think about her for a long time
i don't want / to fall in love / again
while driving i thought she wanted to cheat on her boyfriend & feel good while doing it
1 of the doors to starbucks was locked
i walked in the other asked for a coffee & a bagel. they were out of bagels
i said i want to be insanely honest but i don't know how
my dad said something that made me sad
how he momentarily forgot the way things work. byproduct of getting older
i talked to a girl at a bar abt my parents getting old & she understood cuz hers are too
i talked to her boyfriend about rock music
i talked to axel's girlfriend about suicide
explained how i don't tell people they shouldn't do it
cuz i don't think it’s wrong to
she talked about holding a boy's brother's gun
i wept & wept & said "i wish i had someone to talk to" clutching my pillow
i feel so much unexceptional noise in my skull & it does things to me
today i eclipsed 10,000 tweets & downloaded bright eyes songs
i clicked the internet a god damn lot
my computer is my best friend
i don't remember the boy i used to be
being tickled by my dad in front of the tv & laughing
weird energy of joyfully saying the word "stop"
having the house to myself & spilling barqs on the carpet scrambling to clean it up
feeling terribly terribly terribly shy around everyone my age
not wanting to close my eyes at night
sitting in my grandma's lap feeling like her belly was my bed
trying to explain she liked me best cuz she was my only friend i could be myself around
putting aluminum foil in my gloves
being lifted all the way up to the rim by a high schooler & still missing the shot
afraid of boys in the bathroom how they played games while they peed
loving to swim one summer then only wanting to be inside the next
how confused & disappointed everyone was
dad asking if it was ok if he missed my confirmation & me saying ya & feeling sad
birthday card he gave me that said he was proud & i've looked at it so many times
oh how lucky i've been
taught how to cross the street by someone who loved to hug me & smile
always getting 7-up when i had a tummy ache
dinosaurs on my blankets & dinosaurs on my walls
listening to dad's cds while i fell asleep
telling mom to buy yolanda all eyez on me by 2pac
getting called a "preppy" by uncle ahab after i made it on student council
wanting desperately everyone to like me
being told by aunt moxie i’d be a bad sandwich artist
never having a single teacher say i made a great drawing
the bald man at church who complimented my hair after i got it buzzed
cherish at lunch arguing she wasn't saying "bitch" when she said "beeyotch"
how mean everyone could be & how i would smile
holding dora's hand while drunk on steve elliott’s stairs
telling that hot new girl i’d talk to her on monday then seeing her in the hall & feeling nervous
it was weird having a locker next to jaycen hansen all those years, unable to shake the memory of him calling me a "weenie" in 5th grade
when i did my president's report i had to explain so many times that john q adams was different than john adams
some boys could make anything cool
i got so drunk & said "fuck you garrett" to my childhood friend
that was after tatum threw me into the fucking dirt & everyone laughed
i was small. i want someone to read this to right now on aug 6 2013 3:36 am
my toes cold, my hair dirty, & my skin without a single tattoo
i'm trying to be alive right now & know inside that i can be loved
i am a big pile of rocks
how hard my dick felt watching halle berry in the flintstones movie
or when i was younger, pressing the boy toy into the girl toy until my mom saw
running through the sprinkler felt like a miracle then
& today feels so fucking strange
losers shall inherit the earth
i spun a tibetan
prayer wheel
kundun trailer
unnerving shot of mao
telling young dali lama
“religion is worthless”
modern depression
makes me wanna
smoke crack
what are we gonna
do without petrol?
meditation=scam
when i was high
i wrote "i'm
a stormy person"
constant dying
regeneration
in order
to keep breathing
put matter
in yr mouth
& swallow
it's legit to feel sad
fucked up, etc.
or mb u surround
yrself with assholes, lol
when i was watching
the movie youth
i wanted to fuck
the actress who plays
miss universe
i feel like a loser
i suck at making $
i'm scared for the future
knuckles' teeth
my eyeballs
prostate, heart
iphone cento numero uno
if u get a warm fuzzy feeling when u listen to bright eyes
then you're listening to bright eyes wrong
sisyphus was my favorite jackass stunt
aren't the trees strange? beauty is insane
insanity is divine / divinity is violence / violence is beauty
cheetos
give me my fuckin money
give me my fuckin money
give me my fuckin money sir
sir i do believe what you're saying is true
I remember Elton John doing a concert
I remember being backstage crying and crying
looking at Elton in his eyes
I left the room and when I came back Elton was sitting down
a few friends, very important, and my children
Elton said, “We’re not forcing you, but you need to go to rehab”
I had no idea what rehab was, but I left
I changed from my evening dress into a jogging suit
whoever despises the clitoris despises the penis
whoever despises the penis despises the cunt
whoever despises the cunt despises the life of the child
It's cool if you have a day of just breathing
your body is yours, etc
To do the opposite will only exacerbate This Shit
drinking lil nips in secret off by the darker part of the wall
i daydream about a friend driving by the tobacco fields
hitting a deer, both of them dying instantly, & me
being traumatized, having to explain what happened
do not tell stories unless they are someone else's. do not say i
the clock says one tongue per king, and that pulls on me like
a sad movie. i just watched five easy pieces, what a bummer
i'm sick of the road as the end as if no gas station rots forever
i'm not looking for an enemy
if there's cocaine somewhere, i will do the cocaine
i will become the hurricane
listen: if you can explain to me why bad
credit sometimes happens to good people
i'll show you the secret section in urban outfitters
where they keep the regular shirts
to hell with wisdom / they're all wrong
i'll never be through with my life
tweets
Q: Hi turtle. Where's your shell?
A: Everywhere.
in my dream everyone said 'sorry'
my negative image of my selves
fear of conflict
and poor communication skills
some people imagine bizarre metaphors
to symbolize passivity (a dog repeatedly
biting my face while i, motionless, sit)
Q: I can't stand i don't
have legs!!!! A: Yes you do.
i keep having dreams
about drinking
i always drink
then realize
then spit out the drink
then hate myself
Flame
thrower
variations on how
i love the song that goes
why did you force
a smile on your face
when i told you to make
the world a better place
Q: You like drinking. A: No, i don't.
Q: You are boring. A: No I am not.
Q: are you feeling joni mitchell blue?
A: i don’t really have a clue
Q: What time is it? A: THE FUTURE.
Q: Does Watching Jurassic Park
count as partying? A: Yes
the greatest night of our lives
then we never spoke again
always the same terrible mountain
our beautiful flesh
and our loathing, to urge us on
tweets
i resented
someone’s anti
anti-drinking tweet
but i'm over it
now i resent
someone else
for saying to me
that not drinking
is not a good way
to drink less
I want to write
the 21st Century
"Walden" & I
am going to call it
"I Got A Mosquito
Bite On My Penis"
Placed toppings
& sauce on pizzas
; cooked & prepared
pasta dishes
; stretched dough
; prepped various
fruits, veggies
& meats
i am imagining
holding a gun
pointing it
at my head
then instead
of pulling the trigger
i take the gun
& mold it
into a basketball
& then
i start to play
1 phc also read june's review of vanilla sky